We are all doing the best we can where we are. A revolution isn't a single event, it doesn't even have to be a bloody war. It can be the radical act of all of us changing where just a small percent of our spending goes.
The Finch App is a daily habit tracker that goads one into self care activities so that you can buy your lil …
Hello my fellow ADHD cuties and/or fellow bibliophiles who love information and letting someone else read to you! I am actively “debillionairing” my life and my spending. Here’s a post about how I reduced my cell phone bill to 25 bucks a month and kept Verizon service!
By 2023 I got down to almost no Amazon money spent except for my $15 monthly audible membership. I joined audible before it was gobbled by Amazon when it was still indie. (Does that make me sound like a hipster? I’m honestly fine I do enjoy when I find something before it goes corporate.)
However tenuous “owning” digital copies of audiobooks on a proprietary app actually is; I didn’t have much concern over the effects of corporate and billionaire resource hoarding at that time. That changed and in 2023 I finally decided to see what happened when I canceled because I didn’t want to give a penny more to Bezos if I could help it.
I got to keep all the audiobooks I paid for–which is 113, almost ten years worth of my monthly audible credit. (I think I canceled a couple of times when I didn’t have a daily reading habit.)
I can still access my audible library (I had to keep the app) and listen to any of them. I frequently relisten to Brandi Marie Carlile’s autobiography–there are always more nuggets and it’s a soothing thing to have playing if I need “company” while I’m falling asleep.
I now use three resources for audiobooks!
The Libby App: This is through my local library!
Go get a library card! It’s so revolutionary to support these vital resources and simply having a card matters for each branch’s metrics. They don’t have every book but when they do have a book it’s nice to “rent” accesss to it for 2-3 weeks. (And it gets me to finish one book instead of listening to six at once.)
To get shorter wait times for holds on Libby, find out if there are any additional libraries that your library has reciprocity with. I was able to get access to the Seattle library system this way and the app automagically looks to see which branch has the shortest wait time for holds and they have a bigger catalog than my local branch system.
Libby also has digital books you can borrow (I want to call them Kindle books but there are other platforms to read digitally ack I don’t like having Amazon branding in my language like that).
My library also has access to an app called Hoopla which I have downloaded but not really used. There are audiobooks on there! And movies, TV shows and music. Reminds me of Brandi’s story of getting Elton John cds from the library as a kid and changing her life. I rented the Tales of the City miniseries from my library on VHS and changed my life.
The Libro.Fm app: This is an audiobook site that supports the indie bookstore of your choice! I support Charis Books & More in Decatur, GA because I want that resource to exist in a red state and feminist bookstores don’t have the kind of traffic they once did.
Their monthly membership costs the same as Audible. ($15 a month.) Join Libro and I get a little book credit so please use my link so I can get wiser!
While renting books briefly is nice I actually like being able to come back to books or take my time with them. And there are a few I wanted that Libby didn’t have. I’m slowly reading Love in a F*ed up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up and Raise Hell Together by Dean Spade and All About Love by bell hooks.
I recently got to visit Charis books and asked the owner if they get much from Libro and she said we get a bit and it helps but not a bunch. But that’s still better than the bit Bezos would get and pay for another yacht for his yacht.
Spotify: Spotify has audiobooks included in their premium plan. They actually have a lot of books, I was surprised. Part of my plan for withdrawing my attention from Instagram was putting my attention on the works of Octavia E Butler this year. I’ve whipped through her Patternist series and just finished the Lillith’s Brood series. I could only get a couple of the books on Libby so it was rad to find them on Spotify.
Warning: you only get fifteen hours of listening time for audiobooks per month. It’s hard to find your hour tracker on the app but if you click your profile pic, settings & privacy, click on your plan (my click says “premium individual”), then at the top of the list it has a book icon and you click to see how much time you have logged til your next billing date. I’m on hour 14 and voraciously reading Parable of the Sower.
I want to acknowledge Spotify is a corporation who robs artists (here’s an article about the CEO compensation). I would love to see a co-op of mega artists band together and buy Spotify, take it off Wall Street it and make it a fair wage platform for creators. My plan is to eventually move to Tidal which seems like the best streaming option for artists.
We are all doing the best we can where we are. A revolution isn’t a single event, it doesn’t even have to be a bloody war. It can be the radical act of all of us changing where just a small percent of our spending goes. And tipping more! Tipping is a revolutionary act.
Okay happy listening I hope this post was helpful!
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The Finch App is a daily habit tracker that goads one into self care activities so that you can buy your lil bird pet outfits and accessories for their birdhouse.
I reflected on withdrawing my attention from Instagram & Facebook and using Finch for cheap dopamine in exchange for self care tasks.
Recently I had the greatest challenge to my daily self care practice—going out of town and on gaycation. The disruption from the systems in my day to day life—where I keep my vitamins on the table so there is less barrier to remember to take them with meals, an altar plate to leave ancestor offerings—throw me off track.
The more self care I have the better Bevin I can be and in these increasingly bonkers times I need the groundedness and stability I create from these routine nourishments. (Especially my tummy microbiome support when indulging in rich foods-God gives her weakest digestion to her hottest soldiers.)
Behavior is nourishment and spending just a few minutes meditating or visualizing an energetic cleanse brings me right back to center.
The first part of this gaycation was around a lot of people and I took many moments to meditate alone on our balcony and feed my Finch the self care she needs to thrive. It’s so helpful to have a list of demands (I mean, tasks) to attend to when I am away from my routine but want to return to center. That sense of safety inside myself needs continual attention lest the brain weasels come through and try to hijack my good time.
As your Finch grows it increasingly demands more activity to create rewards (makes sense). I recently grew Blanche into an adult and now have to get more strategic. In many ways my list of tasks is aspirational—I rarely finish all of them but they function as good ideas in a moment. But Finch is also good for daily work tasks and organizing your day or week.
I really like that when I’m not having a great day in the mood check in I get some extra points for my activities because it does take more effort to break through the walls of resistance. I am doing significantly more breathwork because of Blanche and I get focus timer activity points and meditation timer bonus points.
I’m in two different Discord communities that have Finch App threads where we discuss our birbs and strategies. Laundry is five tasks by the way—sorting, washing, drying, folding and putting away. A nugget I learned from an organizational guru twenty years ago (shout out FLY Lady) and that plays out well for Finch rainbow stones during this era of smart phones and cheap dopamine.
Anyway, other than my one day with a violent stomach bug (thankfully didn’t set in til I was back at Rachael’s in the downtime portion of my gaycation) I have been entirely consistent with taking my supplements twice daily and so many more self care tasks I tend to slack on when I’m away from home, thanks to this app. Highly recommend!
The below link gives you the gift of Blizzard the Wizard a micropet I covet and haven’t yet hatched in the app!
Tap this link or use my friend code 71771S18193 for a special reward!
https://app.befinch.com/invite_v3/sH52
If you find value in this blog, please consider supporting!
Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin (safe and secure way to buy me a snack!)
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Buy my aerobics video! fatkiddanceparty.com/video4pack
Buy me an audio book from Libro.fm: https://libro.fm/referral?rf_code=lfm624922
Send me a gift card or just switch your listening to their audiobook platform so we can starve Bezos.
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Work one on one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/
Podcast: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple Podcasts)
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Blog: queerfatfemme.com
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Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into Jeffrey’s profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
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First of all, if you know me, you likely know Biscuit Reynolds saw himself as my Feline Overlord and once I realized that I ceased to call him “my cat.” Or “the cat” but I wanted a title that would relate to more people.
I know four people who released their pets across the rainbow bridge during one week this month. I thought about things that have been therapeutic for me over the past year. (Cannot believe it has been a year already and yet it feels like it’s been forever. It feels like it was 2019, my entire world got uncertain, 2020-2023 blur together and were just one year and then the year Biscuit Reynolds passed and now today.)
If anything the grief compounds.
One thing I realized is that every time I lose one pet it’s like the grief for all the others becomes sharper. Macy, my dog for 13.5 years, went to be with the Goddess when the camelias were blooming in 2018. (Sometime in March, I don’t like to mark dates I like the ritual of nature’s rhythm.) Gathering camelia blossoms spent from bushes and putting them on the altar for her every year is special.
I don’t think we ever “get over” a loss that hurts deep. I think we get used to living life along with it and our joy practice gets bigger. Which means, since grief is like a spiral, we return to it at different places. My house felt so empty with no pets and that was a stark, lonely experience I had to be with.
If there’s a tool in this it’s radical self acceptance and just being with the feelings that come up without judgment.
In lieu of flowers, please send cookies.
I asked this when my dad passed and I did it again with Biscuit Reynolds. Grieving takes up a lot of calories. Our brains are a tiny part of our body mass but they use 70% of our calories! Grief is like having an open tab in our brain, especially acute grieving in the early part of the pain.
There’s a reason our ancestors brought food to one another during times of grief. Cookies are calorie dense, delicious and I love them. Giving people a clear task to do/way to help is wonderful. Your loved ones want to help! I’m so grateful for all the cookies sent my way during seasons of grief.
Lowered expectations around cleaning and “stuff removal.”
Some people grieve by immediately removing all the pet stuff from the house. I chose to be very gentle with myself and let things linger. I walked the cat box out to the dumpster three days after he passed like a pall bearer with a coffin. I let the scratching post stay in my front doorway for over a month. (Biscuit Reynolds knew he wasn’t supposed to scratch the screen door and did it anyway, so I was providing an easy alternative.)
I still have his clothes in my bathroom cupboard. I’m not stressed I know it’ll happen in time. I still have Macy’s pet bed in a house she never lived in (a STATE she never lived in!) because it makes a good laundry hamper, it’s a jolly color and I love and miss her.
Before I released Biscuit Reynolds I was already designing a standing grief stretch series for my aerobics membership because I know I can’t be bothered to clean my floor during times of grief. Thus, standing stretch is more accessible than doing stretches on the floor.
Once again this tool is just radical self acceptance and doing what you can, when you can.
Saying “Okay” out loud and embracing the waves.
It only takes 90 seconds to clear a strong emotion. I learned this from a Martha Beck book and it sounded like BS but, in fact, it’s totally true.
If I just surrender to the big Feels, the sob that is coming through, whatever, it takes usually far less than 90 seconds. It sometimes feels like I’m gonna die but I’m not.
We are trained to stuff our feelings away for other people’s comfort. But we have so much freedom when we can just feel the hard thing!
I found myself just saying “Okay” with a big sigh when I felt those feelings come up. It still comes through nowadays but it’s less intense and less frequent. I think I’ve just accepted his pain was too big to sustain his lil body any longer and I’m happy for his release from that and sad for my missed earth time with him.
Signs, Symbols & Synchronicities are messages from Spirit.
I got signs from Biscuit Reynolds immediately. I think the amount of work I’ve done to develop my openness to spirituality and my intuition has helped a lot. I believe love lives on and his spirit is still with me, bound by love.
I have heard him sneeze, I have felt him on my bed, I’ve heard him in the other room. Right after his passage I had several encounters with eagles (my strongest identified wild animal, though I am friend and collaborator with many wild things) that were too amazing to be a coincidence.
Believing the signs are loving messages is self care. Gaslighting my intuition is self abusive.
Tiny stuffed soft thing.
A friend of mine gave me this tiny stuffed incredibly soft elephant. My step mom Liz always comes through with elephants so that was especially comforting. I found having something small and soft to sleep with in those first few months was really lovely.
“Better a day too early than a day too late.”
There’s the moment you know your animal companion’s departure is within the next few months. Then you know it’s around the corner. And then it’s days not weeks. And then it’s now.
I hadn’t heard this saying before but the vet tech telling me that over the weekend living rurally one must be mindful–an hour to the closest emergency vet (with calm weather conditions).
In December 2013 I had to rush my cat, ALF, to the vet the morning after I knew it was days not months. In Brooklyn the vet was 20 minutes factoring in finding parking on the street near the vet and parking blocks away from your house. He was in intractable pain under the table in the kitchen and I knew he needed to go so fast because that was not manageable pain. (The ultrasound the day before had shown his body riddled with cysts.)
We (I was a we then) brought Macy with us so she would know ALF had crossed the rainbow bridge. As soon as I had understood that at home euthanasia helped facilitate grieving ease for the remaining pets because they can feel the soul departing, I knew it was the best choice back when I was blessed to be the mom of three.
I got to use at home euthanasia with ALF’s brother Bear (and a friend made everyone a pork shoulder and that was such a blessing) in May of 2013.
ALF passed so fast I felt lucky that Macy was so mobile and could be there. Macy loved to be included in fun and sad outings. She was amazing the whole time my Grandmother was passing. Slept right in bed with her for hours at a time.
Every time I hit another big departure of a soul I care for it feels like the cumulative grief folds in on itself. It feels like I was holding ALF in a towel on that long trip to the vet when he was in so much pain like just yesterday.
You don’t want it to get to that point if you know it’s coming, my advice to you. Macy’s departure was on a day she could still walk. I never knew consciously it was her time. I was too close to her and it was my partner and her Reiki healer that told me it was her time. (Months before her Reiki healer said that her ancestors were coming for her. “You mean my house is filled with ghost Shih Tzus???”)
I’ve learned that the pain of the body is necessary so that our souls release the body when we depart. I had such a hard time determining Biscuit Reynold’s departure because he was still eating and cuddling. But it happened so clearly that last weekend. He was in pain and I was so grateful my vet could take me first thing Monday morning. It was soooo sad and so beautiful and I’ll always remember he left during Aquarius season on the Pisces waxing moon, the moon looked like a cheshire cat smile just like him. I now call that phase of the moon a “Biscuit Reynolds Moon.”
I hope if you’re dealing with pet loss you know that their shorter life spans and unconditional love are here to teach us about release and phases of life. I’m sending you lots of love and tenderness. I hope your crying is cathartic.
If you’d like to receive an email every time I post a new blog post please subscribe to my substack!
If you find value in this blog, please consider supporting!
Patreon.com/fkdp (you can follow for free and get updates and freebies from me!)
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bevin (safe and secure way to buy me a snack!)
Venmo: @bevinb
Cash App: $BevinBoss
Buy my aerobics video! fatkiddanceparty.com/video4pack
Buy me an audio book from Libro.fm: https://libro.fm/referral?rf_code=lfm624922
Send me a gift card or just switch your listening to their audiobook platform so we can starve Bezos.
Amazon Wishlist: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/1SJCL864DDKEH?ref_=wl_share
Tee shirts: https://genuinevalentine.com/collections/fat-kid-dance-party
Instagram: @fatkiddanceparty @bevinsparty
Work one on one with me: https://queerfatfemme.com/one-on-one-with-bevin/
Podcast: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/bevin (Search “Bevin” on Spotify or Apple Podcasts)
You Tube Channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/SelfCareParty
Blog: queerfatfemme.com
Substack: bevinsparty.substack.com
Email list: http://eepurl.com/dyX3db
Buy anything on Amazon using this link to go to their website and I make a 3% commission on anything you buy! Costs nothing extra to you and cuts into Jeffrey’s profits just a lil bit. https://amzn.to/2PQ52A9
Threads, Tik Tok, bsky.app/, Twitter: @bevinsparty
Facebook.com/bevinsparty
Like/subscribe/review/send a link to a friend! It all helps!